Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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