my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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