Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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