Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
