I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize