I could have mohawked her pubes.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize