So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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