I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
