eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
