last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
