I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
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