It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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