It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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