ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
