I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
