Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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