Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
