As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
