Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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