you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize