I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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