Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
