anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
