New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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