Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just googled if crying burns calories
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
