Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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