He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
and she was petting her beer can
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
