kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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