There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think i scared a bird with my dick
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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