On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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