i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I intend to get homeless drunk
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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