Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
