You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize