He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
