SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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