Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
