he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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