Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
