just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
