got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
