I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
