This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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