if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
