I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
