I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
