Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
