census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize