Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
