saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
