I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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