I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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