If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
