My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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