I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
