Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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