remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
