i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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