I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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