Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
