If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
