lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
