Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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