You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
