I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
