I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
