yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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