A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
