You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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