Your mouth is God's brothel.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
