Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
