ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
