She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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