Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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