remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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