does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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