i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Randomize
