I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
