After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
