dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
