Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
