this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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