Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
