dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dicks are not precious.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize