What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
