community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
