yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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