Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
