It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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