Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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