this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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