he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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