she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
