she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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