Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
