Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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